🔗 Share this article Balancing my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, mostly enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start to date a potential partner, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners once more. Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, yet from my observations, they have seemed demanding, often resulting in significant pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I want another man to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused. Every person’s sexual journey varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring your desires completely … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist focusing on treating sexual disorders.